I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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