I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
