Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
