apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
