I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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