I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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