Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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