Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
