Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
