Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize