barbara walters just said penis...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
