Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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