Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
