I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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