I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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