apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize