I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Terrible idea I love it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
