I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize