Your mouth is God's brothel.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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