I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
