I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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