if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
