...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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