No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
