Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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