she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this will be a night to untag.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
