Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
