There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
