She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
