y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
