she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
