right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
