you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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