I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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