He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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