I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
