ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
