Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
