His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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