You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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