pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize