Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
