I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
