He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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