fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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