Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Even my vagina gasped.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
