Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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