ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
