Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
