smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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