I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
