I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
