it was like eating out sand paper
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
