last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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