Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
