Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
