This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
