I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
