I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
