He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found the puke drawer
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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