i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
