i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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