We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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