He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize