If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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