oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
