She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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