You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
