umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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