I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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