I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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