So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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